With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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