dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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