You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
