Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
