I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
