p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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