Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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