Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Randomize
