Whod you bang
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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