I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
He passed out mid-signature
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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