Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
