I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
