bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
