Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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