You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
