when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Of course I have a pirate flag
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
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