This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
