part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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