im six kinds of drunk right now
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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