Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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