it's too hot outside to masturbate.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
