I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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