ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
