I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
