its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
