If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Randomize
