i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Ladies don't puke and tell
Randomize
