I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I got inside last night via doggy door
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
