I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
