return my video game
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
