i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
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