Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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