forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
