yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
