Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Randomize
