I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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