I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Randomize
