I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
