woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
