How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
its liver damage thursday
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
