I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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