I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
