i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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