He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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