this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
