Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
They have beer where we have blood.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
