We got so high we made milksteak
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
