1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
