I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
