I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
