if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
